Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
