oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
