why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
