I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
