dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize