so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
