Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
