I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
