Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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