Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
