I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
