Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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