I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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