I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
