Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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