Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
