I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
