quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
