It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
