Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
