Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We need a shit load of segways right now
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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