Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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