I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
