i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
50% drunk capacity currently
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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