I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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