He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm too high and old for this...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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