Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
