omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I wear drunk well.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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