I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
