..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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