yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
