If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
