his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
