this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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