I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
