I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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