Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
