I CAN MOONWALK!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
