you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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