dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you had me at cake vodka
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
