At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
