You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
