I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
