I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize