do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
