You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
