I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
