Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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