I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
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every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
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Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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