How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
