I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
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My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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