I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
