The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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