it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
