Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
