I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
