I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
