How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
