Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
