you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
