Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
