I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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