I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
