i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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