...so i touched it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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