I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
