just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
