so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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