There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize