i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
MIDGETS
????
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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