we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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