i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
