My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
