I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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