who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
