Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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