I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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