u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail