Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(202): View more from Washington, DC

the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something

Fav 2 1315 750
share tweet
(850): View more from Florida

I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.

Fav 9 3863 726
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.

Fav 8 5066 1148
share tweet
(937): View more from Ohio

He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?

Fav 69 2139 26562
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(641): View more from Iowa

We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.

Fav 12 4629 1364
share tweet
(317): View more from Indiana

He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...

(1-317): View more from Indiana

He's the fucking cop whisperer.

Fav 25 11756 1390
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(917): View more from New York City

You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.

Fav 8 2584 1403
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.

Fav 14 956 2427
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(734): View more from Michigan

Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.

Fav 0 4 35
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT