I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
