i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.