the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.