whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You ate ashes out of my bong
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.