During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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